I've Got To Tell You...

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana was a nervous wreck, and that was putting it absolutely lightly. Hogsmeade weekend had finally rolled around, but that wasn't the only thing. Ariadne and Buddy Holiday had also appeared back into her life, and she'd learned some pretty serious stuff over the past couple of weeks. And while part of her wanted to keep it all to herself, she knew she couldn't do that. Not only was it selfish, but it was wrong on so many levels and that was why she'd invited Pat to Silverstone's Corner Cafe for some lunch.. and to tell him about what she really wished she didn't have to. It wasn't that she wanted to keep things from her boyfriend, it was just that the information was so.. so... she didn't even have a word for it. It had practically blown her mind and she'd been distant from a lot of people ever since, just thinking over everything. And she'd decided.. the right thing to do was to lay it all out for Pat to know about, even if it meant the worst possible thing happening. Which she hoped with all of her heart it wouldn't, but with the last bit of information she'd given him.. she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to see how he'd handle this bit.

Exhaling slowly she sat down at one of the tables, just trying to keep herself calm. She highly doubted she'd be eating anything at all but she had to at least try to act like she wasn't at her wit's end. She just didn't know how to start, or even what to say.. maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. Yeah, it was in the past, three years ago.. but they were back now. More specifically, Buddy.. and everything he'd told her when they'd run into one another... she hid her face in her hands for a couple of moments to compose herself.

Everything was going to be okay. She just felt like a horrible girlfriend for having all these sudden confessions for poor Pat to deal with. He was nothing but amazing to her and this was how she repaid him? She was such a horrible person..

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Pat walked into the cafe, breathing in the warm air and smiling. He'd left Two-Bit with his sister--figuring that he didn't need him running around and driving everyone insane.

His eyes searched for Alli in a sea of people and his smile grew when he saw her sitting at a table. The smile shrank though when he saw her with her face in her hands.

"Kitten?" he asked as he walked up to the table. "Is everything alright, Alli?"

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana was so absorbed in her own thoughts that she hadn't even noticed Pat entering the cafe. That was why the second she heard his voice coming from above her, she jumped ever so slightly, startled. Immediately her cheeks flushed red and she dropped her hands from her face, nervously biting on her lower lip and exhaling heavily. Did she have guilt written across her entire face? Because it certainly felt like she did. "Oh, hey Bear.." She mused, smiling up at him weakly. She knew she couldn't avoid the conversation but she certainly hadn't thought it would start this early. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her palms felt all sweaty. This was not okay. Nervously she shifted in her seat before gesturing for him to sit down, opting to not answer his question.

"So, how've you been?" Not a question to distract him, but she couldn't gather up the courage just yet. She knew she'd need to very soon, but.. the thought of how he was going to look at her was enough to make her feel miserable. When did life turn so complicated?

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Pat frowned a bit, noticing the jump Alli had preformed when she realized he was at the table. Sitting down, he wondered what was wrong with her. It was just a normal lunch with the two of them wasn't it?

"I've been good," he said, shooting her a smile. "A little busy but good. What about you?"

He rested one of his hands on hers and raised an eyebrow when he noticed her palms felt a little...different than usual. What was going on with her?

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana tried to do her best to focus on his smile, maybe even implant it in her memory for good. Because she was positive that once she let him know the real reason that they were here, it would probably be gone instantly. She felt her stomach lurching uneasily at the thought but she couldn't back out now. He needed to know, and it would be worse if she kept it from him and he found out later on. She knew this, but it didn't make the situation any easier on her. In a way, it wasn't even that big of a deal.. or was it?

"That's good." She mused, hoping how distracted she was by her thoughts didn't reflect her on the outside. Her leg was bouncing up and down underneath the table absently - another nervous habit she'd never been aware she had. "I've been uh.. I've been alright." It wasn't exactly a lie.

She was surprised that she nearly tensed up when he rested one of his hands over hers, and her eyes widened a fraction in shock. Why was she reacting like that? Blushing again she quickly turned her palm over so that his hand was resting on the back of her hand rather than her open palm. She was sure he'd felt the difference... and she was sure he could tell how unlike herself she was acting.

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Pat noticed her reaction and raised an eyebrow. She was acting so....un-Alli like. What was wrong with her?

"Hey," he said keeping his voice gentle and fighting desperately to keep the worry out. "What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything, you know that? Right?"

He kept his hand on hers and tried to keep his eyes locked onto hers.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana immediately looked down at the table with guilt when she saw his eyebrow raising, which told her he was aware of exactly how she had reacted. That just made her feel even worse and she exhaled slowly, trying to calm herself down so that she wouldn't freak him out any more then she already was. She managed a glance up when she heard him speaking, although she again looked back down when she heard his next set of words. She felt so bad right now, it wasn't even something she could accurately explain..

She looked back up again and saw him watching her, and she could feel her urge to back out strengthen. So much that she was tempted to smile and make up some odd excuse for her behavior and disregard the entire thing. But, no. She wasn't going to do that. Exhaling again, she suddenly grabbed at his hand and held onto it tight. Like it was a lifeline of some sorts.

"I.. I know.." She began, her voice a bit more strained with the anxiety she was feeling. "Alright.. look.. I.." She felt so idiotic, stumbling over her own words. "I've gotta.. tell you something.." Like he didn't already know. Spit it out, Alliana!

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Pat watched as Alli stumbled over her words and wished there was something he could do to help her. What was wrong? Was she in danger?

Stop watching spy movies Patrick, he thought with an inward chuckle.

"Spit it out," he teased gently. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you're beginning to make it out to be."

Please Merlin don't be so bad, he thought with a glance to his hands. He squeezed her hands gently and returned to looking at her.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana smiled ever so slightly when he told her to spit it out, but the smile felt like it took so much effort to produce. "I hope you're right.." She murmured, half wanting him to hear her and half hoping he wouldn't. She felt him squeezing her hands but it still didn't make her feel much better about the situation. She wasn't even sure how to start.. so she figured the best thing to do was to just plunge into it and hope it all sounded right.

"I.. probably should have told you this sooner but.. I.. it was just all in the past until.. until.. recently.." She'd gone back to looking at the table, unable to look him in the eyes. She exhaled, closing her eyes before continuing. Here came the tough part she'd been particularly dreading.

"Alex and I, we.. we had these best friends throughout our beginning years at Hogwarts.. they were twins too. I was best friends with the girl, Alex was best friends with the boy.." She knew these were useless details but she wanted to stall at least a little longer.

"We did everything together, and well.. we uhm.. I guess you could say we all got well.. really close.." Her eyes were still closed as she spoke, how was she even supposed to describe the next parts?

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Pat heard the murmur but it was so faint that he couldn't tell what she was saying. When she started talking, he could honestly say that he was confused. All this drama about some old friends from Hogwarts?

It was when that Alli was saying how they got close that he was beginning to get an inkling of what she was confessing to.

"How close?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm. He couldn't jump to conclusions. He didn't want to jump to conclusions.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana took another deep breath but finally opened her eyes. It wasn't fair for her to be delivering this sort of information without looking at him, he deserved at least that from her. No matter how much harder it made it for herself, she didn't care. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt Pat, but with everything Buddy had decided to blurt out.. things were just a little messy to say the very least.

She licked her lips before answering his question. "Very.. very.. close..?" She wasn't sure how else to describe it, so before she lost even more nerve she jumped forward again. Her voice was rushed, almost like she couldn't get the story out quick enough. "They.. they were two years older then us.. but for some reason Alex clicked with... Buddy.. both notorious womanizers.." She hadn't wanted to add the names in just yet, but she did anyhow. "Alex.. Alex had feelings for Addy... which was the sister.. and.. I.." She figured she might as well just rip the band-aid off. Besides the fact that she wasn't even done yet.

"I had just a small crush on Buddy.. and that was it, really. I was only fifteen, he was seventeen, it was just a school girl crush.." She wished that was where the story ended though. "But then he started showing interest in me.. but Alex completely disapproved.. and.." She was rambling like an idiot. "Long story short.. we ended up hooking up one night..." She looked down, her cheeks burning. "And.. Alex.. walked in on it all happening.. but.. he was actually in the process of hooking up with Addy..." She wanted this over with.

"The boys started fighting and.. and they moved away. Buddy and Addy. And I never thought I'd hear from them again.." And now, silence. She still wasn't finished, but..

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

"Are you asking or telling me?" Patrick asked as Alli told him that she and Alex had been very close with the other twins. Before he got an answer, she was beginning to tell him everything--like if she didn't the secret would scald her.

He listened closely, still confused as to why he was being told this until he heard the words 'hooked up.' Then it was like he just stopped listening. Another secret? What, was Alli scared of him for some reason that she felt she couldn't tell him these things?

"That must have been awkward," he said when she explained how she got caught. But his voice sounded forced, almost robotic.

"So I'm guessing he's back?" he asked, still in that same monotone of a voice. So that's why she invited him here, to tell him. At least she didn't do it by the Lake. That would have just been insult to injury right there.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana heard the difference in Pat's voice and automatically her grip on his hand loosened. The sinking feeling in her chest had begun, so had the sickness in her stomach. And to think she still had more to say..

When Pat spoke again, she looked down but slowly nodded. She could already feel the emotion rising in her chest and climbing up her throat, but she knew she had to remain calm. "I.. I didn't tell you because I.. it wasn't important because.. I just thought I'd never see them again.." Her voice was weak now. Tired almost.

"I.. I ran into Addy at the library though.. she works there now and.." She didn't think she should tell Pat any more then just what was necessary. He was already upset enough. "I ran into Buddy a couple of days later.. and I.." Her lower lip was trembling now. She felt like such a horrible person, but she had every right to feel that way. She was a horrible person at this point.

"He told me all of these things.. like that he'd never meant to hurt me.. because he just.. he just left.." The pain was clear on her face but she was trying to rope it back in. She didn't want Pat to think that maybe she still had feelings for Buddy. Did she? "Three years later and he's telling me that he loved me so much.. that I was his world.. and I.. I just didn't know what to do.." Her hand had gone completely limp in his by now. This was when he was going to blow up, she already knew.

"I-I'm sorry.. I know I should have told you since it was such a major part of my life.. but it was.. it was three years ago until just recently.. and I was only fifteen when it happened.." Although I was sixteen when I met you. She kept it to herself though, sighing. She couldn't fix it, because it was nothing but the truth.

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

"Huh," Pat said, taking his hand back from her. "And you were how old when you met me? Same age as me right? 16? Not much of an age difference between the two."

Anger was beginning to form in his voice and he had to work hard to keep any bite that was forming out of his tone. "Tell me one thing Alli? Was I just the rebound guy?" he asked as he remembered seeing the pain in her face as she spoke of Buddy.

It was okay for couples to have some secrets but some things should be able to be shared between the two. He took deep breaths, trying to remember the fact that they were in public and shouting would just cause a scene.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana felt the absence from his hand seconds later and she fought to keep the tears away, knowing it wouldn't help the situation any. She simply blank stared at her hand, alone on the table top, for a few seconds longer before she was slowly drawing it back toward herself and placing it gingerly in her lap. It was in the shape of a fist though. She could hear the anger in his voice and she knew he had every right to be angry.. but what he was saying was what bothered her.

She winced slightly at the first comment, because she knew he was right. It was only a year difference, maybe even a couple of months less, between the time Buddy had walked out of her life and the day that Pat had walked in. So she didn't bother justifying any point, because he was right. Even if staying silent didn't help her situation.

But at his next statement, her eyes immediately whipped up to his face, her eyebrows pulling together. At first she looked horrified, and then shocked he'd even think that. "No! Of course not, Pat." She spoke in a rush, because he really hadn't been. Maybe her feelings still had been a bit bruised from Buddy, but that didn't make Pat the rebound!

"It had been nearly a year after everything when I met you! If I had wanted a rebound, I would have gotten one a hell of a lot sooner then that! You were not a rebound." She insisted again, almost desperate for him to believe her. Because she didn't like the direction that this was heading in.. at all.

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

"Funny," Pat scoffed. "Your voice says one thing but your face told a completely different story a few minutes ago."

He wanted to believe desperately that he wasn't the rebound but he couldn't argue with how Alli looked as she was talking about how Buddy left her. In pain, as if she still had feelings for the guy.

The feeling of anger he'd felt back at his house when he found out that Black had been the first guy Alli had slept with was nothing to what he was feeling now....and he didn't know why he felt this way.

In public, in public, in public....that's what was the mantra that was going on in his head. He couldn't just start shouting but oh he so wanted to.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana blinked in surprise at his remark, her expression a picture of confusion and then surprise. Had her face really been portraying one thing while she was saying another? Another wave of sickness crashed over her, and she felt slightly dizzy. No wonder he thought she was lying.. oh crap. She'd never really seen this side of Pat before, besides their last fight. But this time, it seemed like it was so much worse. And it was already ripping her heart to shreds. "I.. it's.." It was useless to try to prove herself, wasn't it?

"You weren't the rebound, Pat. And if you don't believe me.. then I don't know what else I can tell you so that you can." Her voice had gotten dangerously quiet, and she was looking out the window, and not at him. Her body had gone completely still. She honestly couldn't believe Pat would assume she was lying. Sure, she'd kept this from him, but she wasn't bloody lying about it!

"Yeah, he hurt me. But I liked you for YOU. I fell in love with YOU. If you were just a rebound, why am I still with you right at this moment? Can you tell me that? If you're just a rebound, like you claim?" She was trying not to be angry because it wasn't her place, but she was upset. There was no denying that.

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Pat blinked as Alli's voice got quiet. It frightened him a bit, like he was about to get hexed.

"I don't know how to answer that!" he finally snapped. "I do know though that the minute your old flame comes into town, you get all hot and bothered. Tell me, how am I supposed to answer your question, Alliana?"

Why was he freaking out like this? For the year and a half that he'd known Alli, she'd not once lied to him. Kept secrets yes, but never outright lie.

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and sighed.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana's expression remained almost stony when he snapped at her. She wasn't sure why it was, but she could feel her defenses going up. And in all the time she'd known Pat, that had never happened. Truth be told, it scared her, but she couldn't seem to stop it from happening. "You don't know how to answer it because you know I'm right!" She snapped back, but her voice was still low. Angry.

But what made her even more furious was when he said she got 'hot and bothered.' "Excuse me?" She nearly hissed through clenched teeth, her expression incredulous. "Hot and bothered?" She could hardly believe he'd said that to her. "Let me stop you right there, Patrick Wood." Her voice was cold suddenly, her eyes hard. "You're supposed to answer it like a man. You would think because you're oh so bloody certain that you're a rebound that you would at least have a reason for it!" She blasted at him angrily. "You can't accuse me of something like that and then have nothing to back yourself up with!"

She'd never felt this angry in her life with him. "You know I've never lied to you, Patrick. Ever. And I can't believe you're going to sit there and accuse me of it now. And not only accuse me, but not even be able to back yourself up." Her temper was flaring, and she crossed her arms, glaring out the window again. This was unbelievable..

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

"Oh!" Patrick snapped back. "So I'm wrong am I? We wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't have feelings for him! You wouldn't feel so nervous around me if you didn't feel something for the guy from your past!"

The anger he got from Alli surprised him but only fueled his more. "I'm so sorry that I'm not bloody all knowing!" he shot at her. "And yes--hot and bothered! Admit it!"

That quip about answering her like a man stung and he glared at her. But he did know that she had never lied to him and vice versa.

"Some things don't need back up," he growled.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana could feel his words slapping her in the face and she took a couple of deep breaths before her eyes were leveling back to his angry expression. If looks could kill, she was rather certain that Pat would have been pretty close to his last breath at this point. But it was the fact that he was accusing her of having feelings for Buddy now.. and that was what delayed her responses to him. What if he's actually right? The thought made her feel physically ill. But she couldn't show him he was getting to her, no. She wouldn't do it. "Don't you accuse me of having feelings for him, Patrick. Don't you bloody dare!" Her voice cut through the tense atmosphere, her tone threatening as her hands slammed onto the table top.

She felt like hitting something, screaming at someone, anything to get this bubbling anger out of her system. It just increased when he again said she was getting hot and bothered, and she felt like jumping across the table and shaking him. "I'm not going to admit to lies, Patrick!" She shot back, her hands clenched into fists on the top of her table. So tightly that her knuckles were turning white. She ignored his glare, much too angry to even care about it.

"They sure as hell do when it's lies." She snapped back, glaring right back at him. "I am not a liar. And you need to stop bloody accusing me of things that AREN'T TRUE!" Her voice rose at the last part, and she had to sit back in her chair, her heart racing. You're in a public place, keep it down.. "This is bloody unbelievable.." She muttered to herself.

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Pat was a little alarmed when Alli's voice started to rise but matched her angry look to a T. He couldn't believe that she wouldn't admit it.

"Accuse?" he said with a laugh that had no humor in it at all. "Why accuse you of anything when you'll just deny it? Fruitlessly I might add. It'd be like denying you had a nose on your face! Cut the crap Alliana!"

He felt like punching the wall, turning over the table...something! He wanted to shout back at her but the truth was he was too angry to speak. With that anger though, there was a tiny little voice egging him on. He so did not want to listen to that voice.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Hearing his humorless laugh, it honestly got under Alliana's skin and made her even more angry then she already was, if that was even possible. Her eyes widened almost instantly in disbelief when he continued speaking, and she nearly scoffed in his face. "I'm denying it because. You. Are. Wrong!" She wanted to scream at him, knock some sense into him, and if she weren't sitting in the middle of a cafe, the truth is she probably would be doing just that.

But the biggest blow came when he told her to cut the crap, and that was when everything in her completely snapped. "Cut the crap? Cut the crap?!" Her voice was raising again and she was aware that she was getting a couple of alarmed looks, but all her self control was gone at this point. "Why don't you cut the crap?" She spat out at him.

"What do you want me to say, huh Patrick? What? That I do have feelings for him? And that I'm just sitting here denying it to myself? What? Would THAT make you feel better? For you to bloody think you're RIGHT?!" She was nearing hysterical by now. "Is THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!" Before listening to his answer she threw her hands up in the air and pushed herself away from the table, unable to keep herself until control any longer.

"Good! Have what you want! I don't bloody give a flying hell anymore! You don't believe anything I say anyways!" And then she was stomping out of the cafe. She didn't care if he followed. She didn't care what he did. All she knew was that she needed to get the hell out of this cafe with all the eyes staring at her. Maybe it was deserved with the small scene they were making but still.

Posts : 203 Join date : 2011-08-07 Age : 30

Patrick noticed that her voice was rising again and if he wasn't completely and utterly pissed, he'd be worried. Listening to her speak, he didn't want to be right but she wasn't giving him time to answer.

No that wouldn't make me feel better, he thought but didn't say anything. He got up quickly but she was out of the cafe before he could catch up. He could feel the accusing stares on him as he left.

"Women!" he spat as he stalked after her. "Oi!" he called as he ran after her. "So just answer me one thing! Is this it? Are you breaking up with me?"

Honestly he didn't care. But he wanted to know.

Posts : 182 Join date : 2011-08-07

Alliana inhaled the cool air, her eyes sliding closed as she tried to calm herself down. It wasn't working though, and Pat was by her side seconds later. She whirled around on him, her eyes flashing dangerously and she took a step toward him. "My name is not 'woman.' It's Alliana. Kay?" She snapped, resisting the urge she had to suddenly hex him senseless.

But then his next question left her staring blankly at him, before mild surprise and shock flashed across her expression. She looked taken aback before the anger was slowly returning. "What? Who said anything about breaking up?" Her voice was suddenly twisted with the mixture of emotions she was feeling, and she could feel her gut cramping painfully. Breaking up?

"With how you're acting, it might be a bloody good idea!" She finally recovered, and felt the pain starting in her chest. No.. this couldn't be happening.. why was she opening her big mouth?!