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 What Am I Supposed To Do, When The Best Part of Me Was Always You?

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Alexander Stone

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Join date : 2011-08-07

PostSubject: What Am I Supposed To Do, When The Best Part of Me Was Always You?   Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:39 pm

Alexander wasn't completely certain as to why he was quite so nervous for the night ahead of him. Well actually, he knew exactly why, he just wished he didn't have to be the way he was about it. This was the first time in six months, that he was going to be seeing his ex-girlfriend Morgaine. Each and every time he had to refer to her in such a way made his heart twist painfully in his chest, but the decision had been a mutual one. Even though it had been one of the most painful experiences he'd ever endured, he'd respected her choices and in the end had to let her go. He'd been in love with her, hell he still had feelings for her, but at the same time he'd understood why she had been so upset. Telling his then-girlfriend about one of his firsts hadn't been an easy thing, but he had always been the type who was honest. He hadn't wanted to hide anything from her, hadn't wanted to keep her in the dark, especially after the run-in he'd had with Addy. And so he'd told her all about his time with the woman, all the way up until their very last meeting. Morgaine had been upset, just as he'd expected she would, but then she'd taken his story in quite a different way then he'd expected her to. She'd accused him of possibly still having feelings for Addy and while he'd denied it in the heat of the moment, later on when he'd actually thought about it he couldn't be so sure. And so, it had led to the break-up after being with Morgaine for more then two years. It had been hard, one of the most difficult experiences he'd lived through if he were being honest. He'd never quite been like himself after the fact, throwing himself into working out (and it had been showing.) He'd even most-recently landed himself in the hospital, but that was over now. Or so he hoped.

He stood in front of the mirror, staring back at the reflection. He looked older, much older.. and just different. If it was for the better or for the worse, he hadn't yet decided. Exhaling heavily he turned away from his reflection, knowing it was just about time to get going. He hoped she decided to show up, but if she didn't he knew he couldn't be upset with her. Even if he'd been living with his thoughts for the past six months and really just wanted to get them out there and hear what she had to say, he'd have to accept her decision if she chose not to show. He did wonder how she was doing, if she was better without him. If (it made him sick to think about) she'd found someone else to make her happy. Jaw clenching he strolled out of his apartment, having moved out once he graduated, and out into the cool night time air. It made him feel at least a little better, but not much. Because he had no idea what to even expect.

Hands in his pockets he strolled along until he reached his destination, milling about outside for a while before he finally headed on in to grab them a table. He selected one further in the back, away from most of the commotion, a private little corner of the sorts. His stomach in absolute knots and his nerves on edge, he slid into one of the seats. He knew he wouldn't be able to eat, but even still he picked up to browse through one of the menus as he waited. Seconds feeling like hours. Anticipating the moment he'd see her walking through the door... just maybe.

ooc: Thread title credited to Breakeven by The Script.
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Morgaine Arkanian

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PostSubject: Re: What Am I Supposed To Do, When The Best Part of Me Was Always You?   Mon Mar 12, 2012 5:34 pm

Everything had been grey and dark, just like in the times before she came to Hogwarts, except this time around, it was worst, not being with Alex had made her existence miserable, the days were too bright, and the nights were too cold. she had decided to take a sabbatical year to travel the world, and get to meet all those places she had read about, but she couldn't remember anything else but wanting him to be there with her. She tried having a one night stand with those 'hot' italians, or french or any other foreigner she found in bars during her trip, but she couldn't do it, very time one of them got closer she realized it wasn't him, they didn't smell like he did, they weren't as tall or their muscles didn't feel like his. It was even worst when she tried to talk to him, they didn't have his voice or said the sweet things he said to her, because he new her so well, that just knew what to say every time. It had been a miserable trip, and she had came back four months before it was expected. After that she had locked herself up in her room, without really eating much or talking to anyone.

Now, six months after everything had finished, she was to meet him for the first time, and it was making her nerves to be uncontrolled, she didn't know what she wanted him to see, she didn't know if she should let him see how bad she was, or try and show him that she was stronger than that. She decided to just show up and see how she felt. She knew it had been her fault, she kept blaming herself, and she knew she should have been a little more lenient, but she couldn't bring herself to do that, she couldn't just sit and wait, while she watched how the man she loved, loved someone else. They both had called it quits after almost two years of being together, and if there was a decision she regret was that, letting him go, cause she was almost sure that he would go back to his ex-girlfriend. That was what she dreaded the most, seeing him happy without her, although if she was being honest with herself, there was a little consolation if he was indeed happy with that girl of his.

She put up some of her more comfortable clothes that were decent enough to go out and that still fitted her slightly, for she had lost a lot of weight those last 2 months, and headed up to the Three broomsticks, where she was to meet Alex. She felt sick all the way there, and wondered seriously if she could be strong enough to face him again, and considered a few times turning around and not showing; but every time she would turn around and head back to the pub. As soon as she walked in, she spotted him, she could spot him in a sea of people, there was something about him that called out to her. She felt her stomach drop to the floor, he was still as she remembered him, and a million images ran through her head as she approached the secluded table he had chosen. Shyly, playing with the ends of her scarf, she smiled softly trying to hold in all her feelings, and the need to throw herself into his arms "Hi there stranger, looking great as always" she said lightly in a soft voice that didn't gave a way much how nervous she was.
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Alexander Stone

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PostSubject: Re: What Am I Supposed To Do, When The Best Part of Me Was Always You?   Tue Mar 13, 2012 12:23 pm

While he was holding the menu in front of him and doing his best to read the lines squirming in his vision, he couldn't bring himself to actually process what he was reading. Each time he tried he found his mind bouncing in a different direction, until soon he decided to lower the laminated piece of paper all together. He didn't put it down completely, just so that he'd continue to have something to hold, and he finally cast a glance out of the window he was seated next to. He busied himself with the various faces strolling by, trying his best not to count in his head just how long he'd been sitting here. He'd already told himself that he would only be there for a total of forty-five minutes. If she hadn't shown up by then, it would hurt. It would dig into him deeper then he was ever willing to let on. But he'd stand up, and walk away from The Three Broomsticks with his pride still in tact. If not barely, but still there. He inhaled deeply, holding the air in his lungs for a couple of moments longer then one might deem necessary before he was exhaling through his ajar lips. His heart was thudding almost warily, the anticipation mounting as the minutes ticked by. He didn't hear her when she came in - the atmosphere wasn't loud, but he hadn't been paying attention - and so he was completely unaware to her presence as she strolled up to the table.

The moment he heard her voice though, he felt every muscle in his body locking into place. His heart climbed into his throat and he felt like he was literally suffocating as he tried to compose himself. He managed, with great difficulty, to hide his reaction as his green eyes slowly drifted to the face he'd missed so much. His second initial reaction wasn't any better then his first. He could feel his stomach lurching in a nauseating fashion, his chest squeezing painfully at the sight of her. Right in front of him. Immediately he found himself standing from his seat, although he was wordlessly staring at her. "Morgaine," He breathed in acknowledgement. He knew he was, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. He wanted to reach out, touch her soft skin, take her frail looking body into his arms and just tell her how much he'd missed her. But he couldn't do that. They'd been apart for much too long, and who was to say she hadn't found someone new? Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, he attempted a vague smile at her words. "Thanks. You look pretty amazing yourself." The word beautiful had been on the tip of his tongue, but he'd swallowed it completely before it could escape.

From first glance, she looked much different herself, but he knew he shouldn't stare. Carefully diverting his attention elsewhere, he slowly took his seat again. How was he supposed to do this? He could feel himself falling apart inside already, and it hadn't even been five minutes. Exhaling slowly he brought his attention to her again, hoping the small smile on his lips didn't appear fake. "How've you been, stranger?" He wanted to know, more then anything. Yearned to hear the sound of her soft voice after being deprived of it so long.

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Morgaine Arkanian

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PostSubject: Re: What Am I Supposed To Do, When The Best Part of Me Was Always You?   Wed Mar 21, 2012 5:09 pm

She saw him standing up and a million different thoughts crossed her mind just as the same amount of feelings filler her heart, her stomach her limb, all her body... he was such a gentleman, that was one of the things she loved about him, just like that day in the train when everything had started to develop her feelings for him, He had come to her aid when the compartment started to fill, and took her by her hand, leading her away from the crowd, Oh how she longed for the feeling of his touch, but how far away he seemed standing just a few steps away from her right now; she could just stretch her hand and touch him, just like she had wanted to do all the time since they drew apart, but she refrained to do so, it would only hurt them both seeing how there was nothing clear between them.

Morgaine felt tiny next to him, and his stare just increased that feeling, he was so strong, so grand in every sense, and his voice, when he whispered her name she almost melted, right there on the spot. His voice did things to her that she never knew someone could do, it only proved how much in love with him she still was. She saw him smile, not the smile she loved but, if she could say so, a bitter one, he didn't mean to smile and he was just being polite, and that saddened her to no end, bringing tears to her eyes, that she blinked away smiling back at him. "thank you, it is just for you" she said with a wink, she couldn't help herself, the playful banter and flirt from previous times still latent in her, it flowed naturally out of her, although she regret it once it was out of her mouth, so she bit her lip.

Taking advantage on the fact that he seemed keen on not looking at her, she stared at him, and studied him closely, taking in once again his features, the familiar shape of his eyebrows and how straight his nose was, his full lips, that only made her want to lean in and kiss them just as she had done so many times before; she sighed and licked her lips trying to sublime the need. He looked at her once again and she blushed, but didn't apologize. As soon as he asked her how she had been, her eyes filled with tears once again and she looked down to were their hands were resting; Morgaine shrugged blinking furiously and breathing deeply to avoid crying, she didn't want him to see her crying, it was not like her at all, but then again, she hadn't been herself since they drifted apart. Smiling softly she let out with a broken voice "how do you want me to be?" she asked, still refusing to look at him.
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Alexander Stone

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PostSubject: Re: What Am I Supposed To Do, When The Best Part of Me Was Always You?   Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:53 am

Alex still remembered the very first time he'd laid eyes on Morgaine, what seemed like all those years ago. Back when they'd been in the park, and she'd caught his attention quicker then someone ever had. Something had seemed to click between the two, and he had decided to explore the feelings further when they'd been on the crowded compartment on the train. He could still remember that memory vividly as well, when he'd stood and taken her by the hand to a different seat. That was the time when he'd first became very aware of his emotions for her, and from then on his life had been consumed by her. He didn't mean it in a bad way, of course, he never would. He'd fallen hopelessly in love with the woman in front of him, he was still in love with her. She was the first girl who he'd ever completely fallen for, and she'd always be a part of him. Even if, during this meet-up, he'd found out that she moved on. Sure, it would hurt like something he'd never quite felt before, but all he wanted was for her to be happy. That was all he had ever wanted, truly. And if that meant letting her go, he would do it, no matter what the cost was for himself. That was just the complete truth.

The moment he noticed the tears shining in her eyes, he could practically feel the cracks in his heart deepening. He wasn't sure what had caused the sudden reaction, but instead of commenting on it, he decided to say nothing. He knew she wasn't the type who openly cried, and he also knew she didn't like having it pointed out. Even after the time they spent apart, he still knew her. Or well, he felt he did. She could have changed a good deal, for all he knew, but he was sure he'd be finding out soon. If he could actually sit through this entire meeting. Just seeing her made him physically feel as if he couldn't get enough air into his lungs, his heart aching painfully in his chest. So many thoughts and emotions rushing through his body at once, it was a miracle he was still standing and acting completely normal. Hearing her words, the flirtatious tone laced into them, surprised him but his expression softened. He was sort of shocked by just how much her words actually still had an effect on him. "I'm flattered, then." He retorted, his smirk still in place on his lips.

He'd taken a seat and gone looking somewhere else, but he could feel her gaze on him, strong and unwavering. It didn't bother him at all, although he made sure to keep his eyes from looking back at her just yet. She was probably taking in all the differences in his features, and before he could help it, the desire he had to see her won. Gaze flickering back toward her just as she licked her lips, he had to exhale slowly to control himself. Just the simple gesture was enough to attract his attention to the lips he loved so much, reminded him of her intoxicating kisses.... he swallowed, his eyes flickering up to her familiar eyes, soaking in the gorgeous face he loved so much. This was harder then he ever would have been able to imagine, but he knew he needed to stay strong. If not for her, for himself. He noticed her blushing and had to chuckle, but again didn't comment on it. Though all too soon the familiar sight of tears were back in her eyes and this time he couldn't hold back. "Morgaine..." He repeated her sweet name softly, his expression slightly hurt as much as he wished it wasn't. He didn't like seeing her like that.

She refused to look at him and he frowned, leaning forward toward her with his arms planted on the table. He heard her words and winced in spite of himself, surprised by just how sharp their intentions seemed to be. "I want you to be happy. I want you to be doing well. I want..." He shook his head, finally diverting his attention away from her and out the window beside them. He couldn't tell her what he truly wanted, which was her. It always had been only her. "I just want you to be alright." He finally finished quietly, still refusing to look at her. "It's always been what I've wanted."
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